NeoGuri Spicy Seafood

NONG SHIM
NEOGURI
"Spicy Seafood"
priced @ 0.85 (USDOLLARS)

3out of 5 stars.

The noodles of this fooly are more abundant, and are thicker than most, though I don't think they're quite like "UDON TYPE NOODLES". However, this one beats 'HOT OF HOTS' for the"Spicy" kicker. This is definetly the Fooly that nearly made Grandpa's ulcer explode through his intestines and into his bowl. The vegetable packet consists of some very strange slimy green slices... similar to seaweed... that are actually quite delicious. Once you get past the drool and snot that pours from your face, and into the noodles, you may find that this soup really lacks something. ..
maybe some SHRIMP... thats minus another star for false "SEAFOOD" advertising. However, it's probably the best fooly ever to be distributed out of RANCHO CUCAMONGA,CA. It's still spicy I don't care if he goes to California! The nurse says it's best when followed by yogurt of sorts. Plain is best, however, Vanilla will do.

VIFON Corp. "Phnom Penh Style"

Vietnam

Price: $.89

Four and a half stars


Coming at you live from the VIFON Food Corporation (Vietnam) through your local Pan-Asian instant noodle bowl dealer is THE BEST FUCKING INSTANT NOODLE BOWL. It brings the mega spice to your mouth-place.

"Phnom Penh Style " is the only description given(yes, Phnom Penh is in Cambodia not Vietnam. There are Philly Cheese Steak places in Oregon, too). The "Voeng's cousin in Siem Riep has a printer" quality shot of shrimp and beef and sprouts on the label is a pipe dream. And yet from the second I slurp, and sip my punch, I'm fuckin in mosquito nets slurping. Vivid taste enhancers rail slide down dried husks of shrimp, little particles of garlic soaked in palm oil spring in the druggy ether, and dangerous red lights dance above tasty leeks. The energy in here is moped-buggy smoke above sizzling shallots glistening: without a doubt, the living noodle bowl of authentic Cambodian night life is here. When you slup this pho', noodles and broth bang like car doors in parking lots, son. Add Marlboro smoke. Every bite is that sexy.
I love the tangy, perverted and ever-so-dis-attached- from-reality sugar rush native to the supermarket fruit juice cocktail; it makes a wild and contrasting accompaniment to the vicious deliciousness of these street-savvy rice noodles.


I sip: " I could take one down in no time, before laying down 3 or 4 of Monivong's most hard-handed whore-mothers."

Little Cook Stewed Duck

Little Cook
Stewed Duck Flavor
Bangkok, Thailand


Price: $1.29 [on sale]

4 out of 5 stars

Another large bowl offering, this time from Thailand. This is the first bowl I have had that actually tastes like the flavor on the package. This is due to its high tech spice array, as well as its "retort pouch" which actually contained three finger sized chunks of duck flavored tofu, complemented by noodles so good you can eat them raw. The retort pouch "incorporates the very latest technology in sterilized, fully cooked foods. This revolutionary process allows for a delicious product with home cooked flavor." And does it ever. It's like having a little old Thai lady sitting in a styrofoam bowl on the shelf in your kitchen.
Highly Recommend, unless the retort pouch is damaged or swollen. Its hearty flavor would be better enjoyed on a heavy smog day for extra authenticity.

Sapporo Ichiban Miso

Sapporo Ichiban Miso

1.5 stars out of 5

Price: $.79

Puke on your face would have more flavor than this piece of shit. Tasteless noodles and a mediocre broth combine together to form a hopelessness not seen since the last stand at Iwo Jima. And unlike those brave solders, this noodle bowl lacks even the honor to defend its very name. Don't bother drinking anything with it, toss that shit in the garbage.